Tour De France Spoiler Alert Dateline... I don't know , some pretty yet boring medieval town in the middle of nowhere , wine country , France . Todays Action - After much yelling at each other the previous day , AC was asked what he and Big Tex were saying . He replied "not much , I was just saying that I schooled him on the hills last year and this year would be doing it on the flats". Then , just to prove his point , he attacked on the flat run in to the finish . He gained so much time that he was able to stop to enjoy coffe and croissant with his family before the finish .

The stage was ultimately won by retired super sprinter , Mario Cippolini , who said he "came out of retirement just for todays final 200 meters to show those crybabies how it's done ". Afterwards , he was seen heading towards the beach ... AC was able to remount in time to take second in the sprint and thereby secure his grip on the green jersey which he has claimed as his number one priority for this tour ," just to prove his all around manliness ".

Crying Cav was heard to say on the podium yesterday , "No fair , he stole my green blanky ". When asked for a comment , after dope control , which took an unusually long time , due to the plastic cups mysteriously melting , the God Of Thunder remarked " Real sprinters don't cry , they feed on the children of their dead enemies left by the side of the road". Upon hearing this , Crying Cav went to find his mommy .

Big Tex was seen after todays stage at a french pawn shop trying to sell a cheap Spanish Rolex knock-off . Nobody is quite sure where it came from .

Tomorrow is the first mountain stage and Sparticus has confirmed that the stage will be neutralized unless his boy is in the front . "After all" he said "nothing else would be fair".