Okay, so by now, Let's Get Stoopid Sunday has had time to settle in. For those of you who live in Eastern Siberia, and may not know, apparently, a rare breed of Simian, the "Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey" was driving, and ran over a couple cyclists.
Now, we all like to watch those accordian player guys with their cute Organ Grinder monkeys. The little vest and Fez is quite the fashion statement. And we've seen monkeys that have been trained to do cute things, like serve dinner or operate the remote control. But for god sakes, you can't let the monkeys drive cars on public roads.
Actually, all the crashes have certainly added a level of excitement that hasn't been seen in the first week of the tour in quite some time. Guys have gone too fast in turns and ended up in the trees. Too many guys have tried to squeeze onto the same narrow bit of road and ended up in the ditch.
And here's my personal favorite. In the middle of an easy stage, on a straight road, El Pistolero shot out of the pack and collided with a spectator. Turns out, as he say's, he got his handlebars caught on Vladimir Karpets saddle. Now , I've been in plenty of bike races, and I can't imagine how that would happen unless he was trying to goose Karpets. My guess is Karpets doesn't swing that way and was surprised by El Pistolero's advance, and then gave him the obvious hip-check that sent him scurrying.
So does anyone know when team directors are going to show some concern for the health of their riders? How many guys have we seen finishing a stage with a concussion, and afterwards, as the disoriented rider is being ferried to the hospital on a gurney, the director says, " we'll wait until tomorrow to see if he can continue". It was reported today that one of these riders, who was allowed to ride the following day, even though he himself admitted that he couldn't clear out the cobwebs, is still suffering from headaches and disorientation. I mean really, give me a good, doctor administered doping program over the care of some washed up ex pro any day.
Oh, and by the way, I see no one had Alexandr Kolobnev in "Guess The Doper". Too bad, the prize was awesome. Guess I'll just keep it for myself. I had Popovitch, and while it was the wrong guy, it was the right country. You gotta watch those ex-soviet athletes. Most of them actually used to be women, but steroid abuse can be an ugly thing.
Up tomorrow, actual mountains. As Mentioned previously, I believe El Pistolero has his competition right where he wants them. He's been lulling them into a sense of security with his off the bike excursions, but tomorrow, or at some point this weekend, he'll slay them all. Just watch...
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Crash Fest 2011
Well, I'll bet there's lots of skinny guys in France who are pretty glad this week is almost over. I don't know if there have been more crashes than usual, but they sure have seemed to affect some pretty big names.
First, El Pistolero... on the first day, no TT but a lame road stage instead and our hero ends up the first guy standing behind a pileup with a perfect view of his competition rolling on up the road. Must have been a pretty crappy feeling, all fit and everything, but unable to go. Then a couple days ago, off his bike, on the pavement, adding speed holes to the back of his jersey. And by the way, what kind of example is he setting, tossing what was probably an eight thousand dollar bike in the ditch like it was a foul smelling science experiment in the back of the fridge. Most of us lay our expensive bikes down gently on cotton pillows filled with virgin goose down. Must be nice to get paid to ride.
Don't forget the great Brit hope. Probably another in that long line of guys who have been near the podium of a grand tour once or twice. But this was going to be his year. Fitter and leaner than ever, looking fierce, staying near the front and out of trouble... oh, never mind.
Classics specialists? Guys who are used to the cut and thrust of early season races? Bigger guys than the average skinny GC stage racer. Easily able to hold their own in the front when the elbows start flying in anticipation of the next brutal, slimy, narrow, cobbled torture device? Nope , not them either. Last seen sitting on the side of the road waiting for the bell in their head to stop ringing after the tarmac gave a good hard tug on the clapper rope. (oh, and speaking of Tarmac, doesn't that now seem like a very appropriate name for a bike model, although not for the reason the marketing geeks might have thought?)
Then we have the Americans. An unstoppable four pronged attack for them this year (well, to be fair, three Yanks and a German). They flew in California, squeeked out a heroic win in Switzerland, things were looking good. Unfortunately, armco surfing doesn't lead to good finishes, although it might make for good Youtube viewing. And even more importantly, if you smack your nose on the road, it will probably really hurt and you might not feel much like riding the next day. And now all that's left after the most recent carnage? The old German, too timid to pull the trigger when given the shot.
So who's left unscathed? Well, the two brothers for one (or two). Both kept out of trouble, safely ferried through the chaos by their big team mates day after day. Too bad the big guys couldn't help the favored son up the hill first time it got steep. The finish line picture of the Schleck The Elder looking over his shoulder, wondering why his little brother wasn't in the picture was priceless. After all, who doesn't like a family portrait?
That leaves the convict. Second place throughout the week, always present and accounted for, never in trouble. Something must be very wrong, he hasn't had a bad day yet. Oh, wait, we haven't hit the high mountains yet. Give it time, I'm sure he'll crack once before it's over, after all, it's his turn.
So thankfully, tomorrow some climbing happens. Not much but enough that The God Of Thunder will probably finally give up his lead. Not that it hasn't been a valiant defense. He's hung a lot tougher than he was expected to. Gotta suspect though that his team did so much to defend his jersey that they might have used up too much ammo and the next two weeks could be a bit disappointing. But at least they had the spotlight for a bit, hard to say this tour is anything but a success for them no matter what else happens.
And next week the real climbing begins. Expect El Pistolero to finally fly. Seems like everyone is getting their share of bad luck this year. He's had his, now it's time to kill...
First, El Pistolero... on the first day, no TT but a lame road stage instead and our hero ends up the first guy standing behind a pileup with a perfect view of his competition rolling on up the road. Must have been a pretty crappy feeling, all fit and everything, but unable to go. Then a couple days ago, off his bike, on the pavement, adding speed holes to the back of his jersey. And by the way, what kind of example is he setting, tossing what was probably an eight thousand dollar bike in the ditch like it was a foul smelling science experiment in the back of the fridge. Most of us lay our expensive bikes down gently on cotton pillows filled with virgin goose down. Must be nice to get paid to ride.
Don't forget the great Brit hope. Probably another in that long line of guys who have been near the podium of a grand tour once or twice. But this was going to be his year. Fitter and leaner than ever, looking fierce, staying near the front and out of trouble... oh, never mind.
Classics specialists? Guys who are used to the cut and thrust of early season races? Bigger guys than the average skinny GC stage racer. Easily able to hold their own in the front when the elbows start flying in anticipation of the next brutal, slimy, narrow, cobbled torture device? Nope , not them either. Last seen sitting on the side of the road waiting for the bell in their head to stop ringing after the tarmac gave a good hard tug on the clapper rope. (oh, and speaking of Tarmac, doesn't that now seem like a very appropriate name for a bike model, although not for the reason the marketing geeks might have thought?)
Then we have the Americans. An unstoppable four pronged attack for them this year (well, to be fair, three Yanks and a German). They flew in California, squeeked out a heroic win in Switzerland, things were looking good. Unfortunately, armco surfing doesn't lead to good finishes, although it might make for good Youtube viewing. And even more importantly, if you smack your nose on the road, it will probably really hurt and you might not feel much like riding the next day. And now all that's left after the most recent carnage? The old German, too timid to pull the trigger when given the shot.
So who's left unscathed? Well, the two brothers for one (or two). Both kept out of trouble, safely ferried through the chaos by their big team mates day after day. Too bad the big guys couldn't help the favored son up the hill first time it got steep. The finish line picture of the Schleck The Elder looking over his shoulder, wondering why his little brother wasn't in the picture was priceless. After all, who doesn't like a family portrait?
That leaves the convict. Second place throughout the week, always present and accounted for, never in trouble. Something must be very wrong, he hasn't had a bad day yet. Oh, wait, we haven't hit the high mountains yet. Give it time, I'm sure he'll crack once before it's over, after all, it's his turn.
So thankfully, tomorrow some climbing happens. Not much but enough that The God Of Thunder will probably finally give up his lead. Not that it hasn't been a valiant defense. He's hung a lot tougher than he was expected to. Gotta suspect though that his team did so much to defend his jersey that they might have used up too much ammo and the next two weeks could be a bit disappointing. But at least they had the spotlight for a bit, hard to say this tour is anything but a success for them no matter what else happens.
And next week the real climbing begins. Expect El Pistolero to finally fly. Seems like everyone is getting their share of bad luck this year. He's had his, now it's time to kill...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Okay, so I fell behind this weekend, figuring it would be the average, boring first week of the tour, and sure enough, something actually happened. I had to pinch myself...
The first stage looked all set for the formulaic procession that the organizers seem to think should dominate the first week of racing; you know, the race starts, some guys go off the front, they stay out until about 10 k until the finish, then, field sprint. And as expected, it was going that way when, the best possible thing that could have happened did.
El Pistolero lost a chunk of time. He was poorly positioned, as is his habit, when a pile of domino's fell in front of him. He must have had an incredibly forlorn look on his face. He was in the first line of guys still upright behind the mess, watching everyone else ride away from him. When all was said and done, it was over a minute lost.
Then the Team Time Trial. I don't think anyone was truly surprised by the result. The TT specialist heavy squads battled it out for stage honors, chrono-man hauled his charges to a good time and El Pistolero seeded time I'm sure he was expecting to lose. And now here we are... The main GC guys are all in front of the defending champ and he has no choice but to go on the attack. How cool is that. Throw the formula out the window, there's a battle royale on the horizon.
Now for sure we'll see who's got what kind of form. Today's stage was a hint of what's coming. A 2 k climb to the finish provided the opportunity for the GC men to test their legs and for the champ to start pulling back lost time. And he did his best. The real battle came down to him and the convict, while the other men all lost time. After all the talk of who's got what, the early season form guide looks to be the truth. Everyone must have known what attacks were coming today, but several guy's were unable to follow the wheels. When we get to the high mountains, expect to see El Pistolero riding in front on his own. And honestly, I just don't see anyone else winning on the famed Alpe.
The Schleck boys and the American pretenders might as well pack their bags, they may be a minute and a half plus ahead, but El Pistolero has them right where he wants them. They may be looking in the rear view mirror now, but in three weeks time, they'll be wondering how it all slipped away.
Honerable mention goes to Tyler Farrar for his win on Independence Day. If you only take one sprint stage in the Tour, that's not a bad one to pick. I'm not sure, but I do believe that makes him only the second American to take a road stage (not a tt) in each grand tour. Can anyone name the other guy?
And now, for the next few days, back to the snooze fest that the first week of the tour is...
The first stage looked all set for the formulaic procession that the organizers seem to think should dominate the first week of racing; you know, the race starts, some guys go off the front, they stay out until about 10 k until the finish, then, field sprint. And as expected, it was going that way when, the best possible thing that could have happened did.
El Pistolero lost a chunk of time. He was poorly positioned, as is his habit, when a pile of domino's fell in front of him. He must have had an incredibly forlorn look on his face. He was in the first line of guys still upright behind the mess, watching everyone else ride away from him. When all was said and done, it was over a minute lost.
Then the Team Time Trial. I don't think anyone was truly surprised by the result. The TT specialist heavy squads battled it out for stage honors, chrono-man hauled his charges to a good time and El Pistolero seeded time I'm sure he was expecting to lose. And now here we are... The main GC guys are all in front of the defending champ and he has no choice but to go on the attack. How cool is that. Throw the formula out the window, there's a battle royale on the horizon.
Now for sure we'll see who's got what kind of form. Today's stage was a hint of what's coming. A 2 k climb to the finish provided the opportunity for the GC men to test their legs and for the champ to start pulling back lost time. And he did his best. The real battle came down to him and the convict, while the other men all lost time. After all the talk of who's got what, the early season form guide looks to be the truth. Everyone must have known what attacks were coming today, but several guy's were unable to follow the wheels. When we get to the high mountains, expect to see El Pistolero riding in front on his own. And honestly, I just don't see anyone else winning on the famed Alpe.
The Schleck boys and the American pretenders might as well pack their bags, they may be a minute and a half plus ahead, but El Pistolero has them right where he wants them. They may be looking in the rear view mirror now, but in three weeks time, they'll be wondering how it all slipped away.
Honerable mention goes to Tyler Farrar for his win on Independence Day. If you only take one sprint stage in the Tour, that's not a bad one to pick. I'm not sure, but I do believe that makes him only the second American to take a road stage (not a tt) in each grand tour. Can anyone name the other guy?
And now, for the next few days, back to the snooze fest that the first week of the tour is...
Friday, July 1, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
So this year...
First we've got a guy who has looked crushingly invincible so far this year. Totally dominant win in Italy, two smaller races in Spain, one other race he would have won except for an untimely flat, and his biggest victory to date; the win over the Spanish anti-doping authority. This boy is absolutely teflon.
Next is a sore loser who's looking for redemption but so far this year has looked like a club cyclist trying to climb with cat 1 racers. Not a pretty site. Also, his teams attack of a rider with a flat in Switzerland to advance his brother to a podium spot puts the lie to his claims that he would "never have raced like that". I just don't see him mounting a real challenge.
And don't let the americans fool you either. Good in California in May isn't the same as good in France in July. There may be a podium, but only because that bald guy never sticks his nose in the wind and may just have the legs to follow wheels all the way to Paris. As for the California winner, I could see a stage win, but not much more than that.
And now on to the real fun...
If you follow the news closely, you would have seen that one team bus was seized by French authorities today. I wonder what's in the refrigerator? And who's bags of spare blood are going to be missed on the first rest day? Which brings me to my TDF Contest...
All new this year, everyone pick your favorite and play Guess The Doper. Here's the rules, pick who you think will be the first rider to test positive at this years Tour. (Alberto Contador doesn't count unless it's for an incident seperate from last year). First correct guess wins a prize to be determined later. Second place goes to the correct guess of the first team, other than Quick Step to withdraw or be excluded from this years race. I'll keep track and post results as they come in. If a tie occurs (two or more riders test positive on the same day) the rider highest on GC will be considered to have "won". Don't hesitate, post your guesses in the comments...
Well that's it for now. Hopefully we'll get some action this year, but really, I think I'm going to nap for the first week, I mean really, how many field sprints can one watch?
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